Confessions of a Bad Christian Family

We Moved!

It has been a minute! So, we’re finally moved, it’s been one hell of a month, but thank the Lord its done!!

The past week or so we’ve been unpacking and settling. There’s not too much left to unpack besides some extra linens and seasonal clothes (I plan on getting an old/cheap dresser to put in the extra bedroom to hold like swimwear and gloves and skullies)

We’re still working on finding where we want things to go, I’ve moved the furniture in the den a half dozen times by now. I think where it is now is my favorite. I think.

We also bought a projector for movie nights or when friends come over and we can hook up a game console to it. I’ve also got all my curtains for the living room and Shanna’s room in. They aren’t up but they’re here.

I don’t think I ever mentioned this, but our house is all gas, stove, water heater, and central heating is all gas. Our first few nights there took some getting used to, it’s an older house so it creaks a bit. It’s also so much darker! I didn’t realize how much light we had from the street lamps outside of our apartment! The next day I found all our wax warmers and oil diffusers and got them all set up.

I’m so happy this move happened. All month it just seemed like a dream, like it wasn’t actually happening to us.

In other news, it’s almost school time. I don’t know if any other parents are freaking out inside, but I’m terrified for Shanna to go back to school. Her district tested teachers a little over a month ago, and 4 had COVID but nothing since then, no additional testing, no word on how those teachers are, nothing! We are necessarily a “hot-spot” or anything, but we have had quite a few cases. It’s much worse just an hour or so North of us though.

I honestly would rather her be taught from home, but her mom and step-dad have said they aren’t able to do that. We’ve offered to do it here, I’m more than capable, I have a little side room in my office with a computer that she uses when she comes to work with me anyway, but they said no, it was better for her to go back.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think schools do need to go back, but the families who are able to and have the resources to should do it at home, like our family. I know not all families can, but if we can limit our kids’ contact with others who may not know they have it, then we should. Let’s face it, those kids are not gonna wear masks all day. Very few will for even an hour. They’ll be playing with them, and it’s going be impossible for those poor teachers.

I don’t know, maybe it’ll be fine and we’re all worried for nothing.

Well I think I’ll leave it at that for now. Remember to be kind to everyone you meet, and that you are loved more than you know!!

Crunch Time

Its’s finally almost here! This Friday our utilities will by turned on and we get to start moving in! I’m so ready for this move to be over! This has been one stressful month.

In typical Riley fashion, I’ve already started planning Shanna’s birthday this year (her birthday is in November). I know what Matt and I are getting her, and my mom and grandma have offered to help with that as well. We want to completely redo her room. She’ll be 10, and we both feel like it’ll be nice for her to have a big girl room with matching decorations, and for it to just not feel like a prison. My mom is going to get her like a chair or beanbag for a reading corner, my grandma is going to get her a couple of bedsheet sets and my aunt is gonna look at getting some decor type things. Matt and I will get a couple of things as well, a new comforter or 2, some new pillows and a couple decorations as well. My family and I will put it all together while Matt and Shanna are out of the house.

So, yeah, my 10-year old step-daughter will have a better room than the rest of my house. So jelly.

Speaking of my step-kid, we were just told when she’ll be back in school. The district is starting on August 18, so now I get to back to school shop for her and get her cute school supplies. That’s my favorite part of back to school time, all the cute stuffs.

I have so much I can’t wait to do this year in our new home, and it’ll be the first time we have an actual house we can do it in. We can do Christmas at home, and birthdays and New Years, Easter and Halloween parties. We can start hosting Bible studies at home and we can finally do a couples Valentines day party.

I don’t really have much else going on right now, it’s all just planning for the future. Most of the packing and moving prep is done, it’s just moving now. I really, truly am excited for this next chapter of our lives though, however stressful it might be leading up to it.

Well, I’m gonna leave it here for now. I’ve got some work to do around the office this morning. Remember to be kind to everyone you meet, and that you are loved more than you know!!

More Moving Updates

So we’re still getting ready to move (July 31!!) and still not really anything is going on. We have the couches set to be delivered this Friday, so I’ll be hanging out there all day with Shanna.

I have officially been crowned the queen of not quite breaking her bones. Last weekend I almost broke my ankle and had to get an x-ray, and than Friday I slammed my hand in a car door and almost broke my thumb. I had to get an x-ray for that too at the hospital because my hand was swollen and I couldn’t move my thumb or forefinger well. But no. Not quite broken. Thus, I am the queen of not quite broken bones.

So, because of my new title I shall proudly wear, I won’t be doing much moving day. I’ll be at the new house with some of the other wives in my Bible study ground unpacking some of the things I’ll have brought to the house during the week, like dishes, extra clothes and food. The manly men will be getting all the furniture downstairs and into the truck.

I’m kinda joking about that. A big part of the reason we’re going to be at the house instead of moving furniture is that everyone has kids, so they’ll be with us moms playing in Shanna’s room or the backyard. I might bring the small TV and my XBox so the kids can watch movies while we work.

Also the apartment is small and we don’t want to be underfoot.

We’ve got quite a bit packed up already, after this weekend all that’s going to be left is a week of clothes, our necessary toiletries, and food stuffs (and furniture duh). Matt’s clothes will be packed up this weekend because he’s going to Colorado AGAIN!

Just a bit of backstory, Matt went to Colorado for a worksite for the month of March, then we went back for another week in April, and again in May. Then the project was supposed to be done. But he’s going back. Again! And because he’s going back, all of his stuff is getting packed this weekend when he packs up to go, since he’ll be gone for a few days. He’ll just over-pack for the 5 day trip so he has everything for the 2 days between getting back and moving.

It’s gonna suck because I was gonna use out luggage to pack our bedding up morning of. Oh well, I’ll figure it out.

In not moving news (because I’d be sick of it), today is Matt’s grandma’s birthday. Because of all the COVID stuff, we can’t go see her, and he won’t say anything, but I know Matt’s upset about it. We got her a photo album, and I got his family to send me some pictures to put in it. I’m not gonna fill it, because Gram has lots of photos of all of us on her wall, and when she gets new photos of us, she can switch them out of the frames and put the old photos in the album. We’ll have to get her new albums every couple years of course.

I think this might be the hardest part of this whole COVID thing, that we can’t see Gram, and that others whose loved ones are in assisted living facilities or nursing homes or God forbid long term hospital care, and they can’t go visit them.

My Sunday School teacher and his wife are expecting a baby in August, and they can’t bring their other daughter with them to meet the new baby. That would be so hard, and to not be able to have my mom or sister there with me when Matt and I start growing our family. I mean, I love Matthew more than anything in this world, but I get pretty tired of him sometimes and I know I’ll want my sisters there with me after the baby is born, and to not be able to do that.

I really don’t have anything else to talk about right now. Life is super boring right now, it’s all just getting ready to move. Remember to be kind to everyone you meet, and that you are loved more than you know!!

Moving Update

So it’s been a minute since my last post, and honestly nothing has happened lol

We’ve packed up some more stuff, and we got a sectional! My mom is looking at getting Shanna a bed frame, too. Well, she actually wanted to get her a full bedroom set, but we told her to wait a couple months since we’re completely redoing Shanna’s room for her birthday in November.

That’s just about all that’s been happening. I’m trying to go back to school but I don’t have enough financial aid and I can’t seem to get any scholarships, so it might not be in the cards right now. That’s fine, I’ll try again for next year.

Honestly, life is pretty boring for us right now. It really is just work and moving. I have a wedding this weekend that I’m going to, and Matt’s signing a POA for me to be able to make medical decisions for Shanna when we have her. I pick her up for custody, and when we have her during the week like right now, she’s with me, so it makes sense for me to have it.

I really don’t know what else to talk about lol. Like I said, nothing is happening in our lives besides moving. We’re saving all our money so we can get what we need like curtains and curtain rods so we aren’t going out to like the zoo or anything like we normally would.

So I guess that’s it. Remember to be kind to everyone you meet, and that you are loved more than you know!!

Long Weekend

It’s late, I know, but Happy 4th of July! I hope everyone had a fun yet safe holiday. I’ve been seeing on the news much of the country has, despite being told not to. My family and I went to a friend’s house to shoot off fireworks out in the country. Someone found some sparklers that were shaped like a rifle, they were pretty cool, I’ll try to share a video of the girls with them.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m a pretty social drinker, especially if everyone else is drinking. I know its not very Christian-like, but hey, we’re all bad Christians. I’m not gonna sit here and defend myself, and I wouldn’t even dare to think badly of anyone else’s little bad habits. I think its horrible that people are so scared of others in their greater social circles judging them, that they don’t admit to themselves when they’ve messed up.

Anyway, other than the Fourth celebrations, we got my step-daughter for the month, and we’re very excited about that. This weekend was a bit of a struggle, but it usually is when we get her. Our home is so much different that her mom’s, that its hard for her when she has to go back and forth. Our lives are much more structured and we have regular schedules, while her mom doesn’t. They work odd hours and there just isn’t regular structure in the house, which makes it really hard for us, and even harder on Shanna. Poor kid goes back and forth from rules to no rules, having to be ready at a certain time everyday to being able to sleep in until noon, from being restricted on snacks to having fewer restrictions, but not as many snack available.

We’ve tried talking to her mom about some of the structure and schedule keeping stuff, but since she doesn’t have a regular schedule, we really can’t expect the kids to. It’s rough for all of us, but I really do believe it’s hardest on Shanna. She has to go back and forth, she’s the one being confused and having such different rules at both places, but neither of us are willing/able to concede. Matt and I have structure in our lives because that’s what helps us (okay, mostly me) with our mental health issues, but her mom can’t have a more rigid schedule (like the kids are awake and ready for the day by 8:30) because she herself doesn’t have that.

Co-parenting is hard no matter what, but it’s even harder when the parents’ lives are so vastly different. In situations where the parents can have similar rules and structure at both homes, it makes it easier for the kids to adjust.

I don’t mean to talk bad about her mom, but to be honest, she does make it pretty easy.I won’t get into all of it here, this is neither the time nor the place to do so, but we’ve had more than our fair share of issues with Shanna’s mom. She’s childish and picks silly little fights for no reason to to try and start fights. Don’t get me wrong, I can be childish as well, but I’m 22, while she’s 27, plus she’s been a mother for almost 10 years, while I’ve been an almost step-mother for about 3 years.

Anyway, pray for our family while we navigate these trying times, and pray for Shanna’s mom and family, as well as Shanna. Poor kid has a lot to work through and unfortunately, she’s always had two families, and will likely always have two families that are very different in just about all ways.

Okay, enough drama, I know I told everyone about how we got a new house we can move into in a month. Packing is going well, we’ve got all of our decor and pictures packed, and I’ve started on the kitchen. Some of our extra cooking utensils(we have quite a few) and our nicer plates and bowls, and well as one of our crockpots and our air fryer. Yes, we’re bougie like that, we got 2 crockpots and an air fryer! I love crockpot meals, as an good southerner should, and the second one is for dips or in case the first one is still in the dishwasher.

We went through and put on our family calendar when we want certain things to be packed and done with. The living room we’ve got just about done, and this weekend it’ll be completely done, as well as most of my art supplies and music. The art supplies will stay in the apartment until moving day instead of going to storage, it’s too heat sensitive, and I really don’t want to ruin my paints. Extra linens and excess kitchen will be done the nest week, and the last week we’re here, we’ll be packing up the rest of the kitchen, a lot of the clothes, and the last day we’ll pack 2 day go bags with our daily use items, jammies and clothes for a couple days, and pack up whats left of the dressers and closets. We’ve got a plan, and we’re sticking to it so we can move quickly and efficiently.

Not too much else is going on in our household, it’s just going to be getting ready to move for a while. We’ve been very fortunate in that regard. None of us have gotten sick, none of us have anything serious going on besides the move.

I think I’m gonna end it here. It’s pretty long already and I’m starting to ramble. Remember to be kind to everyone you meet, and that you are loved more than you know!!

Big Changes

Today it became official: we are moving! After a few years of struggle, Matt and I found a big, beautiful house down-town that is well within our budget. Last night I went and turned our deposit and signed the lease. I’m so excited, we’ll finally have all the room in the world! Or, it’ll feel like it at least.

For the past year, we’ve been living in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment, way too small for a family. But before that, Matt and I were technically homeless, he slept in the living room of his daughter’s mom’s house, and I slept in the living room of my grandma’s house. We had gotten out of horrible living situations and were trying to recoup our money and budget before moving. I found the apartment, and for less than $500 a month in a pretty great area, we went for it.

Obviously we got it, and we moved in the begining of September. We had some reservations since it was only 1 bedroom, which meant Shanna wouldn’t have a room, but ultimately we decided that since we didn’t have her very often, just on weekends, and we made sure to get an art desk and toy box for her that we wouldn’t mess with, it would be okay for a year. She was 8 when we moved in, and hasn’t started going through the throws of puberty yet, so we agreed as long as she had a room to herself before she was 10, it would be fine.

But now, we’re getting a giant 3 bed, 2 bath house, with a huge backyard and a little shop, and the best part, there’s a living room and a den! When I was a kid, we always did all kinds of celebrations in the den at Grandma’s: Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, 4th of July, New Years, anything. And all of us kids would camp out in sleeping bags in the floor.

I’m so excited to be moving on with our lives, growing together, becoming stronger together. In just this past year, Matt’s gotten a newer car with windows that actually work, and job in a new city, that’s in his preferred field of work and pays more, and lets him travel. And that’s just by March!

And really, that’s all to thanks to one of God’s weird blessings. Matt’s old car’s engine cracked at the end of January, so he took 2 weeks of leave and got a better job somewhere else and we able to get a newer, better car. I remember when his car broke down, all I could think about was how much this was going to hurt us. I was worried about how we were going to make it by without his income and without a car, and that if we had to get his car fixed, it was going to kill us, we wouldn’t be able to afford it. It wasn’t until a couple days later when I was talking to my boss about how I wasn’t going to have a car for a few days so Matt could look for something in town. Richard, my boss, reminded me that if I just let go and let God be God, it would work out, I just needed to relax and not try to micromanage Him.

That night, I went home and got dinner ready and Matt and I talked about it. Then, for the first time since his car broke, we prayed together about finding direction. And a few days later was Sunday, where Matt volunteered to do video production and the live stream for our church. He’d been doing it since right after Christmas, and really enjoyed it. Our worship leader approached Matt during Sunday rehearsals and basically offered him a job at his tech company. He needed a new tech, saw what a great job Matt was doing, and said he’d be more than happy to have him on board with him and his brother.

When Matt told me, I was ecstatic! So, Matt applied, interviewed, and was hired, all in one week, and not a moment too soon. His first day at the new company was his last day of leave, so he called, said he found something better and closer to home, and he wasn’t going back.

I tell this story as a reminder that even the worst situations can bring the biggest blessings. If Matt’s car didn’t break down, he wouldn’t have gotten a better job, and we wouldn’t be able to afford the big beautiful house we’re moving into the 1st of August. We would not be able to grow and prosper as we have this year.

This post has gotten way off track hasn’t it? We’re excited to be moving into a house that we haven’t outgrown before signing the lease, like with our apartment. We’ll be able to grow even more in this new house, and we can make it a home for us.

Another great change that is happening soon is my health. I don’t talk about my weight journey much with anyone, I’ve had struggles and find it hard to share. In junior high and high school, I struggled with an eating disorder. I started my recovery process sophomore year, and was back to a healthy weight and diet my the time I graduated. I was able to maintain that for a few years, but when Matt and I got together, I started to relax and gain weight. We’ve been together for almost 3 years now, and I am about 80 pounds heavier than I was when we met. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a big girl, not really. I still look fairly thin, but like I could still lose a few pounds. I’m not fat my any means, but my weight is still an issue for me.

A few weeks ago, I started talking to my therapist about my weight and how I want to lose a little bit, but that I was scared I’d lapse back into my old habits and take it too far. She helped me get in touch with a nutritionist who used to work in rehab centers for eating disorders. She helped me make a plan, that was more focused around walking and moving more, and less about eating less. The meal plan has less fat, but not none, and limits my carbs as well. I’ve never had much of a sweet tooth, so we didn’t look at my sugars.

I will of course continue talking with my therapist during this journey, it’s going to be important to keep up with my mental health. I won’t talk much about this here, though every once in a while I’ll share my progress. I know for me, hearing or reading about other people’s weight journey makes me a bit anxious.

I guess that’ll be it for now. I don’t want to make these posts too long. Remember to be kind to everyone you meet, and that you are loved more than you know!!

A Bit of Planning

So, Matt and I are not engaged. Technically. He hasn’t asked the question, however we are actively planning a wedding. Mostly it’s me, but he pitches some ideas too, and I bounce thoughts off him frequently.

Anyway, we want to make sure Shanna, (his daughter and first love) is included in the wedding more than just a flower girl. We wanted to do something special, just as a symbol that we will never leave her out and there will always be love for her with us.

I was on Pinterest, and saw a few pins that gave me a great idea: we’ll give her a ring as well. After talking to Matt about it, he and I agreed on this plan. Before he asks me, he will have a Daddy-Daughter date with Shanna, just them, no me. And he will bring up the idea of getting married, and during that bring out a little tiara shaped promise ring for her.

Now, Shanna is not quite old enough for boys (she’ll be in the 4th grade this year) but the promise will be that she is always his first love, and she will come first, as she should. When she gets to be old enough to date, she’ll get a new one, but that’s a bridge we’ll cross when we need to.

Now, when it comes to the wedding, we still want to incorporate something with her during the ceremony, and I had the thought of it being in the unity ceremony. I’ve already decided to do a braided cord, I saw something like that and thought it was perfect. The cord comes from scripture, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, “A cord of 3 strands is not easily broken.” Now the 3 strands are supposed to be the couple and God, but what if we added a fourth strand for Shanna?

Matt doesn’t seem to care what we do for a unity ceremony, or even if we have one, but I think we should, and that if we do, we should try to incorporate Shanna into it as well.

Another thing we were thinking would be doing a hand cast, ya know, where you dip your hand into a bucket of like rubber and it molds your hand and then you pour plaster into the mold? That thing. But it would take too long to actually do at our wedding, so it might be something we do before or after the ceremony with the 3 of us.

Honestly if anyone has any ideas for what we can do for that, please let me know. I think it’ll be a nice touch to our wedding, and it’ll mean a lot to Shanna, even if it’s later in her life. I know the wedding is about Matt and I becoming one and all that, but we can’t just forget about her, that’d be mean.

Wow this as gone on for a while! I’m gonna go ahead and end this here.

Remember, none of us are perfect, and we shouldn’t judge each other. Be kind to everyone you meet, and know that you are loved more than you know!!

Hello!!

My name is Riley, and I am a bad Christian.

Now hold on a second, know what you’re thinking. But really, I’m a bad Christian. I don’t always remember to pray over my meals or before bed or when I wake up, and I curse sometimes (yes, even on Sunday)

My point is, I’m not perfect. But, who is? We all do something that makes us bad Christians, whether it’s lying, gossiping, or judging others.

A long time ago, I went through something very traumatic, and it lead me down a dark path. I left the church, and denounced my faith. It was rough for a few years, and when I started to come back to the church, I was scared. I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t know if I’d be accepted back.

I looked for, well, for this. For someone to talk about the things they do wrong, so I wouldn’t feel so scared. But there wasn’t anything. So I decided that I’d make one.

Well that was about 5 years ago, and now I’m starting it!!!!

I’m finally at a point in my life, in my faith, and in my recovery that I feel more comfortable doing this.

So that’s a little about why I’m doing this. But do you really know me? Probably not.

So, again, my name is Riley. I’m 22 and live in Central Texas. I’m a Baptist, and I actually work in ministry! My job is to help churches in our area find recourses and help guide them through anything that comes up.

Now, this blog isn’t about a bad Christian. It’s about my little family!

My boyfriend is Matt. He is 28, and has dealt with his own fair share of struggles in his faith. Matt had a daughter with his high school girlfriend, and her name is Shanna. Shanna is 9 and, like most 9 year old girls, loves anything unicorn and sparkly.

Now, Matt and I are both fully fledged Christians, baptism and all. We’ve accepted Christ in our hearts and make a conscious effort to be better today than we were yesterday. Shanna hasn’t made that step yet, and that’s okay. She knows that we try to be better, and that there’s no such thing as a perfect Christian.

So that’s a little about us, and you’ll learn more as we go on this journey together.

I am so excited to finally get started on this journey!! Just know, this is a judgement free blog, something so many seem to forget, even the best of Christians, is that we are not to judge each other, only God can judge us.

Be kind to everyone you meet, and remember you are loved more than you know!!